January 17th 2020, was the day i will never forget. The day when all our prayers has been answered in form of a noisy tiny baby we named Aimee Renata Kusika. This is the story about what had happened to us in the first month as a parents. One disclaimer statement, i love my baby and i will always will. It doesn’t change the fact that she catches us by surprise and has been playing with our patience and stress level. Dalam waktu sepuluh tahun saya dan istri menikah, kita membangun banyak kebiasaan baik (setidaknya menurut kami itu baik) seperti sarapan bersama yang hampir selalu terjadi. Ada nilai dibalik sarapan berdua di meja makan yang tidak besar, small, simple but rich in quality talk. Ada banyak hal yang bisa diobrolin di meja makan sambil sarapan, kegiatan hari itu, kegiatan kemaren, update kerjaan masing-masing, dan yah sekedar catching up whatever not yet spoken on last night pillow talk. Dalam satu bulan sejak Aimee hadir … there’s no more breakfast time together. Our world has turned around in the way we never had imagine before. Yes we never had imagined, we prepared ourselves so much for the day Aimee arrived, but not on what would happen next. Kita begitu khawatir dan spent energy dan iman dan doa hanya berfokus pada apa yang akan terjadi saat kelahiran itu tiba. I was there at the delivery room, standing in awe when she cried with her loud voices and strong lungs, with a big question on my mind, now what ?

Dan itulah yang terjadi kemudian, malam pertama sebagai orang tua kami lewati dengan Aimee teriak-teriak dan kita ga tahu harus ngapain … browsing : newborn parenting for dummies was not really helping. Thank God itu masih di hospital, bidan dan suster dateng tanpa perlu dipanggil saking kerasnya suara tangis Aimee. Begitu pulang ke rumah, (not that we didn’t grateful with the fact she may go home, whilst so many babies must stay because their liver is not fully functioned yet.) drama continues … but we survived. Each time i took a picture with milestone card, it’s really for our milestone and not Aimee’s. Sampai hari ini, we survived, yah iyahlah. Tidak sesulit itu punya bayi, enjoyable and stressful, but it’s a fun ride. Tapi juga ga segampang itu dan juga ga bisa dianggep enteng dan babyblues for mommies is somehow deadly for me. Ditengah-tengah kelelahan dan sleep deprived juga harus support moral Rika karena dia takes all of this very personal dan dia in high stress karena dia sayang banget sama Aimee. What i am trying to say is our world has been turned upside down by a tiny baby who we love so much. Apa yang terjadi 21 kali akan menjadi habit, dan habit akan berubah menjadi budaya jika terus menerus dilakukan. Dalam 21 hari pertama, kehidupan kita sebagai orang tua kita kehilangan waktu berdoa bersama as a family, waktu baca alkitab bersama as a family, waktu bekerja, waktu maen game, waktu tidur dan banyak lagi perubahan-perubahan lain. Not that i complain, this story is not about that, this is about me and Rika had lost our conversation and time together. This writing is about what we has cultivated for 10 years, suddenly shifted (shift, not gone) to a new habit and if we don’t do anything about it, this might lead to a new wrong habit and destroying our relationship bit by bit.

Saya membayangkan bagaimana dengan mereka yang setelah menikah dan tidak lama kemudian lansung hadir seorang anak, the joy is there i know, but i am thinking, if what happened to us after 10 years of marriage can disturb our relationship, imagine what could happen for all the newlyweds with babies. Saya tidak sedang mendiskreditkan mereka yang baru menikah dan punya anak. If you felt that way, i am sorry but you get me wrong. Saya sedang berusaha memberikan sebuah pemikiran untuk semua yang sedang menantikan hadirnya seorang anak untuk bersiap-siap jika waktunya tiba, ini bukan tentang bayi itu sehat dan bertumbuh saja, tetapi juga tentang hubungan suami dan istri yang baru saja naik pangkat dengan segudang tanggung jawab ke bapa dan ibu. Empty cup cannot pour, without a healthy relationship between the-father and the-mother, children can not grow in love. Tanpa kasih, pertumbuhan bisa saja terjadi tetapi hanya secara fisik. I am writing this because i know that we are in trouble, and that is good. Karena kita tahu kita dalam masalah, kita bisa set a new set of habit, create boundaries apa yang bisa dan tidak bisa, atur apa yang menjadi prioritas dalam hubungan saya dan istri sehingga kita berdua bisa tetap dalam kondisi yang baik secara hubungan.

Because i love my wife, i want to build a healthy family. It was her, is and will be her the number one girl in my life. Aimee will fill in the next position. You might want to do the same with your wife too. Blessings!

For those still expecting a child and struggling, prepare your relationship foundation now, your time will come, i am praying, your time is coming soon.

posted on Feb 28th, 2020